Undestand

I been Feeling that ....I Need help .. Like someone to help me ..I wish it could be my lady ...I feel Since Ive Helped her Better herself in this relationship ..I really wished shed help me .. I feel That All the crazy things Shes done to me and Me Still Continuing to love her ..and Me always have to be the bigger person .. for her even when im Right.. Im mean Dont get me wrong she has manifested into a beautiful girlfriend and she is 3x better than how she used to be..So now That I feel were finally at the same level in this relationship I need her to help me with my issues .. I wake up in the morning to stress.. If see doesn't talk to me ..than I lead a very lonely day ...that leads back to stress... I Need her so Badly ..but I fell if see doesn't ..understand what i need ...she'll take it in a negative way and blow me off for days ...Understand I want us to be a Fucking team .. Better than the CIA or than any team theres been before... that She Needs to listen to me Cuz I only have her best interest in mind ..and Understand I will Listen to Her Because shes the only one I trust To advise me ..Understand that Shes so close To opening up to me fully that its driving me crazy to bathe in the full light of her love .. ... I need her to Understand Im damaged also But its like she only uses the drug to calm my symptoms .. When she has the cure in her back pocket ...Understand that I hurt without her .. Understand That Im here only for her . Understand That Im Soo Proud Of Her for becoming a strong woman and begin to take a risk on me ..Understand My arms are ALways open... .. Understand that I need to be taken care of also ... ...UNderstand .. Im lost ..Understand .. That I understand she Feels lost ....But if were Both lost .. Why should be alone and lost.... Understand We Might find the path in each other .

Ladies !!!!!!!!!!

Man i could never catch a break ... i dont like being at home cuz my mom goes crazy she just goes crazy im mean im able to accept when im wrong gladly because i feel i need to be responsible for the mistakes i make .. but Everyday of yealling and calling me stupid and retarded and treating me like im beneth my 7yr old sisters ..how am i suppsed to grow up and be a man if your making me feel like shit everyday ..and my girlfriend i love her more than ive ever loved someone before ..like fareal ..she holds the longest relationship EVer in my life im been like planning on settling down with her ..but ..when something goes wrong omg .. she makes me feel it .. she goes on a storm and see me when theres an issue i want to handle and contuniue on with our night .but she never wants to fix anything .. she goes through my shit like im her stupid ex boyfriend ..To me i feel that if were serious than we need to be a team ..if i see your ass everyday of my life if EVERYone i know know that were together which ive never done before ..if im doing everything i possibly can to make you smile to make you happy ..why the heck do you need to go through my facebook nor texts to see if cheating it makes me feel like your my parent cheacking on me .. its like your saying fuck my privacy ..with dosnt make me feel like a man ether ..maybe thats why im so into sex because i feel the control .. because whenever i say how i feel to anyone in my life i get shut down slapped in the face ..told fuck you by my mom and get hung up in the face by my girlfriend who ..thinks she can do what ever she wants to me also .. all im trying to do is make their lives better and they make me feel like im shit to them .. like low of low .. my girl friend cant even admit when shes wrong she just say excuses that dont make sense to me instead of being how she said she was going to be to herself .. a open loving adult ..i want to spend the rest of my life with her but shell never get it .. which i dont understand ..these ladys in my life ..to then im useless. Im mean ..my mom doesnt talk with me . at all she think im just following girls to whereever cuz she thinks im following alex to san deigo when im the one who wanted to go their ever since i graduated high school.... n my lady .. Shes soo wonderful when she happy but if something doesnt go her way she goes crazy when i think that in a relationship things nver really go ur way ..i just wish shed treat me like her man .and be the Man she runs too when she needs help ..be the Man she wants to be with forever ..And be the Man ,.she trust ..COMPLETELY ....tonight her Ex went to her house and she didnt even tell me at all she rather psot it on facebook and tell her friend julie that she really needs someone to talk to .. How is that supposed to make me feel useless ..and she always brings up these crazy excuses that even when I did prove them she say whatever i dont care WHich to me sound like she dont care about me .. i feel use less .. Like not A man .. Like These Ladys in my life .. im worthless to .. I just Want my mom to love me i just want my lady to appreciate that im not the fuck up like her ex ...and treat me like im the only man for her like .. shell do anything for me ..and she knows ill do the same for me ...i dont understand it its soo easy LOVE ME COMPLETELY AND ILL GIVE U THE UNIVERSE ..... All I want is unconditional love .. just be honest and ill be honest more .. i want someone to fight for me ..Bee Fight for me .. Be head Over heels for me and Show It everyday No matter how i am .@!!!!!!

But She Dont know!

I’m in love...yea I’m not afraid to say it IM IN LOVE WITH A VAMPIRE …oooo you didn’t know?!...Your thinking I’m crazy don’t you …But let me enlighten you first off is her sheer beauty it’s like seeing a full moon for the first time or seeing the magnificent harmonious expressions of color in the fireworks on the fourth of July…and her voice oooo her voice its became for me the sound of intertwined voices of glorious angels..So much that even the harmonious enticing sirens would become seized by a mere giggle from her candied pink saccharine lips. She’s open me up to so much things like ancient but immortal sounds like chatter of “Beatles” and the crashing of “The Doors” and people called “The Who’s” which she’s in tuned to listen to so much of her vampire life and she speaks a language that is so foreign and unknown to me that oddly intrigues me to her …..But that’s not the best part...the way she parades her lust and thirst for you is bewitching...her disarming words of “hey babe” and her irresistible way she calls me her “papi” coupled with her mesmerizing smile and her glazing brown marble eyes that give you as gaze into to her heart to take in the love that she has for me rips all my walls and insecurities and damaging wounds from my day into shreds that disintegrate out of my mind of my day and ignites my blood temp up 10 degrees …when she’s in my arms so close that every thump of my heart that’s smoothly whispers “Alejandra “makes her go berserk….it feels like we go into super speed and the world slows down and it’s just us and I feel like were integrated and undivided..and most importantly untouchable. And when the craving for my blood becomes overwhelming for her she claps her fangs on to my skin with subtle but fierce perching pressure that endorphins release instantaneously and mixes with a lil of her venom to make her bite almost painless…What did you forget she has vampire needs?! but sadly like everyone else my vampire has insecurities also form being on this earth longer than I from detrimental creatures that have experienced the best of her and killed it... HE!!!! was the one that turned her He was the one that Murdered her human existence He Permanently changed her forever He’s the one that burned insecurities into her innocence... .so when I do something that flashes a glimpse of him in my place..in her eyes... anger mixes with her thirst for blood which breeds untamed reckless outrage within her ….and that’s when deep inside her.. for this time period of her unchained rage..... …Love dies ….///////////////////her rage is nothing less than preposterous savage quest for vengeance and no remorse for causing pain…she talks with words that slash, slit and wound me with as much sharpness as her fangs …it's like the one that loved me is punished to dark depths of the deepest corner of her mind as she bashes and attack every attempt to calm and wake her up to see that even though I make mistakes I WILL NOT MAKE His mistakes ..the attempts to calm her down blaze her fire even more to the point where I’m only left with one string of the connection we have and I cling on to with dear life for our love … all in which instills anger and animosity in me and with every cord she cuts makes me doubt the women I love deep inside in that corner hasn’t been taken over by flames ……but there’s one secret I’ve held from her one thing that I’ve never unleashed upon her when she get this into this craze but I starting to lose control I fear that the next time she see that murderous creature of a man in my figure and she attacks me and cuts that last cord and she’ll think Im just be the same But she'll find out the secret SHE DON’T KNOW is that I’m a WAREWOLF!!!!

Definitions of love ....OO you didn't know?

Life teaches us what the Definition of love is not a dictionary ......or at least thats what people who have come through my path of life have shown me ....See the first Definition of love shown to me was from Debra my mother ; see her Definition of Love is "what ever you need I am here for you cuz I’m your mother and I love you " but whoa did that Definition change once a man named Jesse came into her life cuz see it was just me and my mom till then and boy were we close but after that man ..Which I guess is one of the biggest reasons why women change their Definition of love..After he can into the picture it changed to "I love you and am here for you BUT..JESSE" and then came the biggest most fatal cracks in our relationship because I’m ur son there shouldn’t be a But ..at least for another man ....as time went on we moved to my dad..whose Definition is " Hey I’m here for you if you need me until you like the people I don’t like" and that’s what happened when he would tell me reasons I should turn on my mom and grandma they were expected to be absorbed and instilled ..but I couldn't my heart was too big to hate and despise and shut out people ...so after I did not chose to cut ties ..he cut mine ....and I moved back with my newly single again mother whose New Definition of Love is " I’ll buy, or supply or provide anything you desire because I love you" but see that’s just it my Mother who I was inseparable with became just a provider ..Not a mother..She closed her self off to me...then comes La-Tasha whose Definition was "Ill do anything for you and be the person you need as long as u can help me financially” Man did I have a hard time getting through that ...I mean one story after another where she needed money .....Then I met Alejandra her Definition is “I love you and will give you all my love ...and be ur other half until u piss me off" this woman has filled the hole I’ve had in my heart and also makes it bigger as the fights brew ....her temper is a whole nether person...entirely ...She could build me up and break me down even further ..So I’m on guard now with her cuz if I open up and love her with everything I got...She could flip and destroy me all over again...but my Definition Of Love is" I love you ...Unconditionally if your love is there for me " .....But then again Love is a gift ... I think We ALL need to understand that.

A verb called love

Love to me through out my life has been somewhat of a noun ..in the meanings that its just been a thing ...a thing thats just is ..there ...i need the verb thats all whAT has been missing from my life ...sooo much that its just a a LOVE VERB leeech in my body that will wants more needs more to survive. i need the verb love ...that love that is an action